In the last couple of months I’ve spent quite a lot of my time out on the Waxahachie Hike & Bike Trail. For anyone not familiar with it, let me say that it has been, by far, my favorite discovery since my travels in nursing brought me to Texas. It’s a nicely paved trail winding through fields and woods and it stretches 7.5 miles from start to finish (3.75 miles one way, and the same distance back). I’ve always loved people-watching but during my time on the trail I found a way to mix what I love to do (watch people) with something I have to do (get in shape for the Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure which, coincidentally, I still need massive amounts of donations for…you can help find a cure by donating at www.the3day.org/goto/jessi.winther). Sorry…had to throw a plug in there somewhere. I’m trying to get my sorry ass in shape for this breast cancer walk. “Why,” you may ask, “do you have to get in shape to walk?” Let me answer with the shortest and sweetest response I can come up with…5 simple words -- 60 miles in 3 days. Yes. I have to be capable of walking 60 miles in 3 days, or an average of 20 miles per day. This may not seem like much, but let me remind y’all that I’m the person who complained when someone parked their Jet-ski in my spot at my apartment complex which forced me to walk an average of 10 feet further to get into my apartment. But I digress because, as is so common with anything I say, I have strayed from the true topic of this post.
As I was saying, I’ve taken to people-watching while out on the trail and I find the strangest of the human species is that beast that is called the runner. Runners are sort of funny to watch. I’m not saying that running is funny…it’s an excellent form of exercise and I admire them for pushing their lungs, their hearts, and their muscles in pursuit of a fitter self. What I mean is that runners themselves are a funny breed. Everyone seems to have their own specific running style. Below I will highlight some of the various “running styles”.
The Slow-Mo Runner
The slow motion runner is just that…a person who is running but appears to be running in slow motion. You see geriatric women with orthopedic shoes and walkers pass them at times. You can actually count the number of seconds their individual feet are on the ground for. It makes me wonder if they might actually get more cardiovascular benefit from a good power walk. The slow motion runner isn’t concerned with speed (apparently) or the amount of time it takes to get from point A to point B (obviously), but they’re out there running regardless. And I admire someone with that much dedication to their sport.
The Velociraptor
The velociraptor is the runner who makes me laugh the most. They take strange long and bounding steps with their feet and all the while their arms are in strange configurations. Often their hands look like they are missing fingers…like every other finger has been contracted up against their palms. And their elbows are always at 90 degree angles…making them look like some descendant of an escapee from Jurassic Park. They look like they’ve got permanent contractures and when I see them bounding toward me I often wonder if anyone is protecting the local goat population. Granted they are intensely athletic but just seeing them makes my shoulders, elbows, and other parts of my upper extremities ache with sympathy.
The Pain and Suffering Runner
This one can actually be a combination of the previous two styles. They just look like they’re always in pain. I realize that no pain equals no gain, but really…does it do any good to suffer for the entire 7 miles of your workout? Well does it? They look like they’re on the verge of tears and are generally drenched in sweat. It is impossible for the mere observer to determine if the sweat is because of a full cardiovascular workout or because of the stress response of the body. We may never know.
The Exhibitionist
This one just bugs me…probably because I wish I could do what they do and not be mistaken for a resident mammal at Sea World. This is the runner who seems to have lost all of her clothing. Really…she’s wearing the bare minimum required to keep her from being picked up for public exposure. Usually a sports bra and shorts that are so close to the crotch that her ovaries may become visible if not careful. I only single out women for this because when men dress in next-to-nothing to workout it’s not considered exhibitionism…it’s considered eye-candy.
The Gazelle
This is the runner I’m most jealous of because it’s the runner I’m least like. The gazelle is pure poetry in running form. They are tall and lanky and they don’t run…they appear to float along. It’s as if the Gods have attached wings to their shoes and they are really pretty to watch. They move with strength, grace, and speed and they seem to do it all so effortlessly. They’ve generally got no visible body fat and they tend to make me feel a bit bad about myself. I wish with all my heart that I was a gazelle. I think best in the form of animals…so let me put this into horse-terms. If the gazelle type runner was a quarter horse…they would be an appendix Hunt type horse. Appendix hunt horses are tall and skinny. They can eat all the feed in the bin and never gain an ounce. They have smooth, sinewy muscles and are light on their feet despite being fairly large. If I was a quarter horse, I’d be a halter horse. Halter horses are shorter, stocky, have chunky and bunched up muscles, have really pretty faces, and in general have really bad legs. I could be described this way. I’m short (obviously) and chunky, I’ve got a pretty face (or so I seem to think), I have leg problems of my own, and my muscles are more reminiscent of chunks of clay that have been put on a form without being smoothed out. I have chunk of clay muscles instead of rubber band muscles. Perhaps this is why I really suck at running. My body just isn’t made for running. My chunky muscles don’t help me cover ground but they do help me do deadlifts. My muscles are made for lifting and pulling. Being a halter horse wouldn’t be so bad though (despite the crappy legs and the constant need for a neck sweat). After all, as a halter horse you’d get a nice stall under lights, you’d be wrapped in blankets year round (appealing because I’m notoriously always cold), you’d get turned out once a day, and you’d get practically all the sweet feed and alfalfa you could ingest. I think being a hunt horse type would be really cool though – being able to run with such ease of movement…being able to clear a 3-foot fence without even trying, looking like a picture of beauty and grace when you move (as opposed to looking like a four-legged penguin). Yeah…I’m envious of those damn gazelles-type runners…I may never be one but I can always dream.
So by now I’m sure you’re asking what type of runner I am. The answer is easy…I’m none of the above. I don’t run. As described earlier, my body doesn’t allow for easy running. I’m a walker. I may be a walker for the social aspect alone. Walkers by nature are social creatures. You always see a herd of walkers out on the trails, or a couple of ladies walking alongside eachother in their dress clothes and Nikes while on their lunch break from work. Hell, you even see entire packs of power-walkers if you hit the trails at the right time. Walkers are social. They’re seldom found alone and they’re always willing to offer a friendly smile accompanied by a warm “Hello.” Walkers tend to look out for eachother too. Rarely do you see a group of walkers who leave a straggler behind. Walking is sort of like a team activity…it’s not fully accomplished unless everyone is kept together in the pack. The speedier walkers actually adjust their pace to that of the slower member of the group. You don’t see this with running. Runners are very seldom seen bunched together in a group. Runners tend to be less about the “team” and more about the individual victory. Walkers celebrate the successes of their counterparts while runners seem almost self-absorbed in their own pursuit of the perfect mile. I don’t blame runners for this one bit. It I was expending that much of my caloric intake you can guarantee that I would not be wasting calories maintaining a slow jog next to the less agile member of the pack. Running is pursuit of fitness through the individual victory. While writing this, I realize that I would love to be a runner. Then I’d have an excuse to be out on the trail alone. I’m not a social walker at this point in my life…only because I don’t have any other walkers to be social with. I’m one of the few walkers you’ll find out on the trail all alone…working hard on my own in pursuit of fitness (or at least in pursuit of the ability to walk up all 40 steps to my 3rd floor apartment without an audible wheeze and some mild muscle fatigue. Walking may not seem like as much fun as running. There isn’t the overwhelming feeling of freedom and “one-ness” that you get from running but that’s OK with me. I set my goals and I walk as far as I need to in order to reach them. Some days while walking I feel like Superwoman. Nothing is better than finishing a good 8+ miles while dripping with sweat and feeling like you can still do more. Some days aren’t so awesome. Some days I come limping in for the last half mile and I wonder to myself why I do it. I then answer myself with the only answer that seems logical. I do it because I have to (more on this to come later). I do it because I want to (again…I’m still in need of donations for the Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure). I do it because I can. So to all you runners out there, keep running. I’ll see you while I’m walking (you’ll most likely be the ones passing me while I massage out my lower leg cramps alongside the 1 mile marker), and I’ll always give you a friendly smile and “Hello” as you bound along. Know that I’m envious of your running and I look forward to one day joining your elite group of athletes known as “the runners”. Until then, I’ll see you out on the trail.
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